Nothing To Give
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Response to the challenge issued by mrtrainor@worldnet.att.net.  You'll find the requirements at the bottom of this fic.  There's a wedding in the works, or is there?


TITLE: Nothing To Give, So Much To Lose  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Response to the challenge issued by mrtrainor@worldnet.att.net. You'll find the requirements at the bottom of this fic. There's a wedding in the works, or is there?  
RATING: TV-14  
SPOILERS: The Harsh Light Of Day - Oz is still here and guess what? Angelus never killed Jenny Calendar, 'cause she's in this fic.  
DISTRIBUTION: Knock yourselves out but send me the URL, k? I'm sick and tired of finding my work on pages I've never heard of before. http://planetslaythis.homestead.com  
DISCLAIMER: Buffy & everyone else ('cept for the judge) belong to Joss and David G. In case you didn't know before, you do now. =) 'Fear' belongs to Sarah MacLachlan, the most amazing female singer there is.   
  
  
//Morning smiles   
  
Like the face of a newborn child  
  
Innocent unknowing\\   
  
  
The day doesn't know what it holds for me, of course, but I think someone, somewhere, made the sun shine today just for us. It's been pouring for weeks, and when you've planned an outdoor wedding at seven p.m., your world crumbles if the ground is muddy.   
  
Not that I'm really looking so forward to this wedding. It's one of necessity, not desire. I do love Xander, probably much more than he'd ever believe or even dream about, at least nowadays, but all the love in the world for him can't match what I feel for Angel.   
  
I know it's Parker's child that I'm carrying, but I'll never let anyone know except for Willow and Xander. He's letting everyone think we slept together during the bad beer incident, and it's just as well as far as I'm concerned. The baby will have dark hair like Xander, I'm sure, and no one will question anything. Everything is perfect.   
  
Except, of course, for the fact that I don't love him.   
//Winter's end  
  
Promises of a long lost friend  
  
Speaks to me of comfort  
But I fear  
  
I have nothing to give  
  
I have so much to lose\\   
  
  
Buffy will never know I am here. She can never know I even knew about the wedding. Willow said she made her swear on all her Wiccan oaths not to tell me, and of course, first thing she did after Buffy left for class was send me an email.   
  
She didn't break the news like that though. She called me from a pay phone later that night when Buffy was on patrol.   
  
Her voice was gentle, almost afraid when she tumbled out that Buffy was expecting and Xander was marrying her so she wouldn't have to be alone. I didn't see how marrying someone she didn't love made her any less alone, but when I found out that Xander was the baby's father, I sort of understood.   
  
It's my own fault, or at least the demon in my blood's, that my parents are gone. Not that they would've lived this long, of course, but still, I robbed them of a future. Not having them here, not being able to get answers to the questions I have...I understand why Buffy would marry him. She must love that child growing inside her more than life itself. I know she wants what's best for him or her.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Buffy Anne Summers," Joyce stood at the entrance of the tent they'd put up for a dressing room. "You had better get out there, it's after seven."   
  
"I'm coming, Mom. I just have to finish my hair."   
  
"You want some help?" she started towards her daughter.   
  
"No," she said quickly. "I've got it, but thanks."   
  
Joyce watched her little girl who suddenly wasn't so little anymore and then left.   
  
When she was gone, Buffy put her face in her hands and sobbed. She didn't care about crying off all Cordelia's makeup, or if her eyes were going to be red and poofy in the Polaroids Oz would take. All she cared about was her broken heart.  
  
She heard her mother enter the tent again and she sniffled. "I just need a minute, Mom." "Buffy."   
  
She turned slowly around and realized she wasn't dreaming. He was there.   
  
And she promptly flew into his arms.   
  
  
//Here in this lonely place  
  
Tangled up in our embrace  
  
There's nothing I'd like  
  
Better than to fall  
  
But I fear I have nothing to give\\   
  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked when they finally stopped kissing. Then she frowned. "Willow told you."   
  
"She did. Don't be mad at her."   
  
She clung to his chest as though she were holding on for dear life. "I'm not. I owe her big for this one."   
  
  
//Wind in time  
  
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine  
  
Nothing yields to shelter it  
From above  
  
They say temptation will destroy our love  
  
The never ending hunger\\   
  
  
"Tell me something," Angel said between kisses."   
  
"Anything."   
  
"Why here? Why not somewhere beautiful?"   
  
"Well, the church in Los Angeles where I was Christened was burned down just last week, and none of the churches here felt right, so I decided on here."   
  
"Oh." they resumed kissing for awhile.   
  
Finally, Buffy forced herself away from Angel and looked at her watch. "Oh my God, it's almost seven-thirty. I have to get out there."   
  
"And do what?"   
  
She looked at him strangely. "I'm marrying Xander."   
  
"Oh."   
  
"Did you really think I wouldn't? I mean, I'm carrying his child."   
  
"You don't love him."   
  
She didn't have an answer for that. Instead she turned around and sat at the makeshift vanity and stared at a chip in her silver nail polish.   
  
"How can you say you're going to marry him when you're wearing that around your neck?"   
  
Her hand instantly went up to stroke the amethyst cross he'd given her last Valentine's Day. "It's a crucifix, Angel. It has nothing to do with where I got it."   
  
"I don't believe you."   
  
She stood up and tried to leave the tent, but Angel blocked the doorway.   
  
"Let me out," she begged. "Please, Angel, just let me do this. Let me try and--"   
  
"Get over me?" he guessed. "Not gonna happen."   
  
She pushed him out of the way and stalked outside. At the entrance to the walkway they'd set up, Giles was still chatting quietly with his wife.   
  
"Buffy, you look beautiful." Jenny said warmly.   
  
"You do look lovely," Giles added.   
  
"Thanks. Can we just get this over with please?"   
  
Giles exchanged a Look with his wife before she signaled the Dingoes and sat down. They began playing the wedding march as best they could and Buffy took Giles' arm, wishing this was just over already.   
  
  
//But I fear  
  
I have nothing to give  
  
I have so much to lose\\   
  
  
The "alter" was a judge Jenny went to high school with and Xander standing in front of a beautiful fountain. Willow stood off to one side as Buffy's only bridesmaid wearing a blue dress she'd found on clearance, a left over from last year's prom styles.   
  
Buffy began walking towards Xander, realizing she no longer knew how to breathe. Angel was standing just behind him, watching her, even though she'd prayed to every possible God and Goddess that he would just leave her alone.   
  
  
//Here in this lonely place  
  
Tangled up in our embrace  
  
There's nothing I'd like  
  
Better than to fall  
  
But I fear\\   
  
  
Buffy wasn't even halfway to Xander when she stopped walking. She began running, tossing her small bouquet of daisies behind as she ran. Her dress was short, and she easily was able to sprint around the fountain to Angel.   
  
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him madly.   
  
"Buffy?" Xander asked, a bit confused.   
  
"I'm sorry Xand. I can't marry you, I just can't."   
  
"I know," he gave her a small smile. "I always knew."   
  
Buffy gave him a slight smile before turning back to her lover. "Angel, you're the one I love. And this child isn't Xander's, it's this idiot's and that's a very long story I'd rather not share with you 'till I'm in my hundreds."   
  
"Buffy...."   
  
"Marry me. Here. Now."   
  
"I can't."   
  
  
//I have nothing to give  
  
I have so much to lose  
  
I have nothing to give  
  
We have so much to lose\\   
  
  
"Don't even think about it, Michael Angel O'Connelly. You are marrying me and you're marrying me right now."   
  
The ground below them began to shake, and the fountain water sputtered. People were thrown out of their chairs and Oz fell backwards into the drum set.   
  
"Where's a doorway when you need one?" Cordy demanded.   
  
"Use me," Doyle offered. Cordelia just snorted, but she didn't push him away when he wrapped his arms around her.   
  
The shaking stopped, and Giles sat up, made sure his wife was all right and then examined his glasses, which he'd fallen on. "Four-point-three?" he assumed.   
  
"Four-point-six, at least." Jenny replied.   
  
"Still want to get married right now?" Angel asked her, arching an eyebrow. "'Cause I think that was Fate's way of trying to stop us.   
  
Buffy looked at the judge. "Are you all right?"   
  
She straightened her robe. "I've been better, but I'm breathing."   
  
Buffy turned to Angel. "Screw Fate. I'm marrying you now."   
  
She kissed him again and he knew better than to argue.   
  
  
-----   
  
  
Okie doklie, this was the challenge.......   
  
-The Sarah Mclachlan song iFear./i   
  
-A fountain  
  
-An amethyst necklace  
  
-A big fire  
  
-An earthquake  
  
-A blue dress  
  
-Doyle   
  
-Jenny Calendar not being dead  
  
-A golem **didn't include this 'cause I didn't know what it was**?   
  
-And it must have B/A. No B/S, B/R, B/G, or anything like that.  
  
-No smut  



End file.
